Thanda, thanda; cool, fool.

Appu had heard a lot about a seductive city,
Where life was great and the girls were pretty.

As much as he loved his village and its people,
He was bored of the life there; t’was too simple.

The village elders came to know of his wanderlust,
They warned him “dond go, theyar ees a lot of dust.”

Appu was in a fix, what should he do?
Mumbai beckoned, so he tied his shoe.

As he boarded the train, he wove a few dreams,
Of renewing his life, as a taster of ice creams.

For he was armed with an impression that he was a gem,
since people rarely see themselves the way others see them.

With hope and yearning in his heart he stepped off the train,
Right into dog shit, which he had to clean with a lot of pain.

“This ees nott a goodd omenn,” it occurred to him,
as he bumped into a porter, who looked very grim.

“Tujhya aaichi…kaay re, disat nahi ka tula” bellowed the man,
“I dond speek Telugu” said Appu, tripping on a dustpan.

Unintelligible cuss words filled the air,
as the porter pulled at Appu’s hair.

Tempers here are unnaturally high,
Is this really the city of Mumbai?

Appu’s question plagued his thought,
even as the portly porter fought.

As sweat poured down the man’s face, Appu theorized.
It’s the goddam heat that’s the culprit, he surmised.

“Whai do they wear sowmany clowthes in this weather!”
For he knew that if the body is cool, the mind is clearer.

“Arre tu itna shaant kaisa ho sakta hai re!” said the porter, wiping away droplets,
Appu countered “Ai wear a lungi, theyar is always a breeze around mai privates.”

Blaak Maagik

Appukuttan was tense, his mood was morose.
He couldn't lay a finger on the reason,
was it a severe lack of glucose?

"Maibee itt ees tha heet..", was his notion.
Tying and untying his lungi he pondered,
what if it’s the local beauty's love potion?

Famed for her looks, she’d set off many a brawl.
Eyes lined heavily with kohl,
She had even caused the local MLA's downfall.
 
Could it be true, could it be so, pray tell?
"dass shee laik mee sow mach?" he reflected,
But she dabbles in black magic!! Thus rung his bell.
 
Stories of her being a witch were dime a dozen.
Her allure was far too much to resist,
Hell, she didn't even spare her cousin.

Appu's restlessness grew by the day.
Her curvy gait played through his mind,
Would she be his? Was there a way?

He ran out of nails to chew and knuckles to crack.
Why is this woman causing so much strife,
Life was much better without love, now its offtrack!
 
Appu made up his mind to ask her out.
“Iff shee vaants to refewse, she can”,
He was fed up of being a washout.

He carved a rose out of wood, for her.
Rose in hand he walked into her home,
Only to be appalled by what he saw in her chamber.
 
There on the bed with his lady love.
Laughing and throwing pillows,
t’was his school teacher, wearing a glove.
 
“Sarr!!! How kut yew doo thiss too me?” he blurted.
The teacher was confounded; suddenly the spell broke,
Throwing the glove at Appu, the teacher scooted.
 
“Whai did yew meddle in mai affayar?” she screamed.
With a swift wave of her hand, she mouthed something weird,
and as Appu wore the glove, enchanted, she beamed.

For the love of Lungis

The years rolled by, and one year in May,
Appukuttan turned 18 and said "Woah, hey!"
It was as if he'd been granted a fabulous boon,
heck, if he were a wolf, he'd howl at the moon.
The joy of having turned legal made him blind,
he didn't even notice the cow, licking his behind.
Then it struck him, he didn't have to do it anymore,
he'd stop wearing knickers now, there were Lungis galore!
No more squirming, trapped within close confines,
having to walk around as if avoiding land mines.
He pranced down to the market place with his savings,
and bought himself many Lungis, to satisfy his cravings.
Appu decided to give the Lungis a trial run,
and check if wearing them was indeed fun.
So he chose a bright red Lungi and wore it to bed,
with thoughts of envious stares swimming in his head.
"Ai shaal bee the bast drassed boi in town.." he dreamed,
and as the crickets and cicadas looked on, he beamed.
When he opened his eyes, it was early morning,
the mist was still there and the buds were blooming.
Appu rubbed his eyes and sat up on the cot, blinking,
next to the cowshed he slept, where it wasn't stinking.
He saw the milkman staring at him, eyes open wide,
"Vaat ees it?" said Appu, legs hanging over the side.
When he solved his own query, it was too late,
his Lungi was missing, this he couldn't tolerate!
He looked around and saw the cow chewing with glee,
"So cows eet Lungis? Whai didn't yanyone tell me!"