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Monday, January 24, 2011

Mumbai ka LOTR

# 2 Elrond's Dilemma
"Khopdi sanak rela hai apna" dahaad kar bola Elrond,
"Budda hai Gandalf, samajhta hai khudko James Bond"
"Woh saala Aragorn jab dekho bina scale ke maarta line,
apun ka beti ko bhool kar Eowyn ko pilaata wine."
Beti ke gam mein Elrond mar bhi na saka shanti se,
"Laakhon saal jee ke kya ukhaada maine?" pucha usne Lajwanti se.
Lajwanti ke dimaag ko laga shot,
Gusse mein pucha "Elrond are you on pot?"

Friday, January 21, 2011

Mumbai ka LOTR

# 1 Saruman's advice to Gandalf
Gandalf! Ab yeh mission chhodo,
Woh Frodo hai ek Dodo.
Yeda hai Samwise Gamgee,
Nahin pehenta ganji.
Akkal hai zyaada, shaana hai Gollum,
Kaminey ne 10 second me solve kiya match the column.
Phir Aragorn, Legolas aur Gimli,
Timepass kar rele, khake imli.
Sauron bhadkega, aankh banega laal,
Hobbit ho ya elf, karega sabko halaal.
Meri baat maan, woh ring ka kar de daan,
Thok doonga saale, naam hai Saruman.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Fugg Yew

He was fidgeting with the edges of his lungi; distraught,
"Whai avent ai been writtan abaout fowr ovarr five manths?" he thought.
Appu had been sensing the worst for quite a while now,
he felt like breaking the fourth wall, but how?

His creator had always poured his own memories into Appu,
weird, vivid thoughts and even the water drops "tappu, tappu"
"Iss it ae writar's blok or dass he nowt laik mi anymor?" he mused.
"Nothing of the sort my good lad" said a voice in his head, amused.

"Woah mai goat!" Appu jumped up, startling himself,
So much that he even knocked over the oak bookshelf.
"Kan too many Dosas make wone delusional?" he thought hard,
"You're being idiotic, you belong in the psychiatric ward."

"Show yewarself iff yew dare" he shouted, spit flying,
"If you want to see me, you'll have to stop implying."
"Dond use sach werds, you boogworm, ai thing I know yew"
"Well then who am I, Appu? Blue blue, chaddi flew?"

"Stoopid jowkes, wonly for tha rhyme schemes!"
"If my jokes are stupid then so are you, it seems"
"Enaff! Yew caant gow on laik thiss fowrevar, yew know!"
"I know a lot of things Appu, but its me you don't know"

Eyes frantically hunting the source, Appu searched,
"Wheyar iss the aaashowl?" he said, wincing a little,
as this was the first time he had cursed.

"If you calm down, I'll show myself to you..."
Appu took a deep breath & sat down, reaching for a dosa.
"Now finish that dosa and I'll give you a clue."

Wolfing it down, Appu sat up. On his face was a glow.
"Khamon naow, tell me how ai khan seee yew!!"
"Alright, get up and walk to that window.

"Ai've reached tha vindow, naow whaat?"
"Turn to your left, look into the mirror"
"Dond play with mee, on yewar faice ai vill faart"

"Oh you wont like it any more than I would"
"Vee shall see aboud thaat, naow wheyar aar yew?"
"Look into the mirror, make sure your eyes are glued"

Staring into the mirror, Appu was slackjawed at what he saw,
He could see himself, but it was a different Appu.
He looked better than himself "Vaat maajig is thiss, haw!"

"Whoo aar yew and vaad is thiss gayime yew are playink?"
"I'm you're future, Appu. I'm you, all grown up."
"Reaally? Ai will loog so goot ven ai am done vith tha growing?"

"Hahahaha, no! I'm your alter ego, I was just messing with you.."
"You've gone bonkers, you need a shrink now, buddy"
"No wan tells mi vaad ai shud doo. So thangs, but fugg yew."

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Thanda, thanda; cool, fool.

Appu had heard a lot about a seductive city,
Where life was great and the girls were pretty.

As much as he loved his village and its people,
He was bored of the life there; t’was too simple.

The village elders came to know of his wanderlust,
They warned him “dond go, theyar ees a lot of dust.”

Appu was in a fix, what should he do?
Mumbai beckoned, so he tied his shoe.

As he boarded the train, he wove a few dreams,
Of renewing his life, as a taster of ice creams.

For he was armed with an impression that he was a gem,
since people rarely see themselves the way others see them.

With hope and yearning in his heart he stepped off the train,
Right into dog shit, which he had to clean with a lot of pain.

“This ees nott a goodd omenn,” it occurred to him,
as he bumped into a porter, who looked very grim.

“Tujhya aaichi…kaay re, disat nahi ka tula” bellowed the man,
“I dond speek Telugu” said Appu, tripping on a dustpan.

Unintelligible cuss words filled the air,
as the porter pulled at Appu’s hair.

Tempers here are unnaturally high,
Is this really the city of Mumbai?

Appu’s question plagued his thought,
even as the portly porter fought.

As sweat poured down the man’s face, Appu theorized.
It’s the goddam heat that’s the culprit, he surmised.

“Whai do they wear sowmany clowthes in this weather!”
For he knew that if the body is cool, the mind is clearer.

“Arre tu itna shaant kaisa ho sakta hai re!” said the porter, wiping away droplets,
Appu countered “Ai wear a lungi, theyar is always a breeze around mai privates.”

Friday, April 16, 2010

Blaak Maagik

Appukuttan was tense, his mood was morose.
He couldn't lay a finger on the reason,
was it a severe lack of glucose?

"Maibee itt ees tha heet..", was his notion.
Tying and untying his lungi he pondered,
what if it’s the local beauty's love potion?

Famed for her looks, she’d set off many a brawl.
Eyes lined heavily with kohl,
She had even caused the local MLA's downfall.
Could it be true, could it be so, pray tell?
"dass shee laik mee sow mach?" he reflected,
But she dabbles in black magic!! Thus rung his bell.
Stories of her being a witch were dime a dozen.
Her allure was far too much to resist,
Hell, she didn't even spare her cousin.

Appu's restlessness grew by the day.
Her curvy gait played through his mind,
Would she be his? Was there a way?

He ran out of nails to chew and knuckles to crack.
Why is this woman causing so much strife,
Life was much better without love, now its offtrack!
Appu made up his mind to ask her out.
“Iff shee vaants to refewse, she can”,
He was fed up of being a washout.

He carved a rose out of wood, for her.
Rose in hand he walked into her home,
Only to be appalled by what he saw in her chamber.
There on the bed with his lady love.
Laughing and throwing pillows,
t’was his school teacher, wearing a glove.
“Sarr!!! How kut yew doo thiss too me?” he blurted.
The teacher was confounded; suddenly the spell broke,
Throwing the glove at Appu, the teacher scooted.
“Whai did yew meddle in mai affayar?” she screamed.
With a swift wave of her hand, she mouthed something weird,
and as Appu wore the glove, enchanted, she beamed.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Appukuttan : Fright Night

Appu was never one with a strong heart,
bumps in the night would wake him with a start.
"Hoo ees it? Vaat ees it?" he would shout out,
off the bed he would jump, arms flailing about.
Back at the lodge he'd heard many a story,
some were spooky, the others plain gory.
Tales about killings, suicides and unexplained happenings,
these were what kept Appu occupied, on chilly evenings.
Shivers running down his spine were a regular occurrence,
he was beginning to consider them quite a nuisance.
One day there came the Bakshi family from North India,
they had a pretty little daughter, who liked to sport a bindiya.
Appu liked to be around them a lot,
serving them eatables, beverages and what not.
Now the old man of the family was quite a handful,
he sprayed food on Appu, when he spoke with his mouth full.
"Nevarrr mayind, nevarrr mayind.." although he would say,
in his mind he'd want the old geezer dead in an alleyway.
Mr Bakshi's lack of etiquette he would tend to gladly overlook,
for the man's tales were rivetting, as though right out of a book.
One evening Mr. Bakshi spoke of a lady,
"She'd be dressed in white, looking very needy..."
"she lures young men to their deaths, we call her a chudail..."
Appu opined "Vee koll her a 'yakshi', she haas a terrible wail..."
That night he couldn't sleep out of fear,
at every toss and turn, her cry he would hear.
Suddenly there were footsteps in the dead of night,
Appu almost peed in his lungi, out of sheer fright.
Looking out the window, he saw a woman wearing white,
"Aiyyooo, someone saave meeeee, it ees so late in the naight!!"
Running at top speed with his lungi in tow,
He ran into the manager, who stood with arms akimbo.
"Vaat ees all this raacket, Appu? Stop yellling laike a paansee"
"Saar, theyar eees a 'yakshi' outside, why don't you go see?"
"Yew foool!" the manager screamed "thats no yakshi.."
"it's only the poor sleepwalking Mrs. Bakshi"

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Appukuttan : The Initiation

Appu was heading to a shop, walking down the street,
when he heard sounds that were everything but discreet.
Although his first thought was "Gawd, vaat a racket!",
he started missing them even as he reached the market.
He slipped into a daze, captured by the memory,
and as days rolled by, his mind was in a flurry.
Appu couldn't get those enchanting sounds out of his head,
the thought of not hearing them again filled him with dread.
He went around asking the well-read elders,
even the wise old men, who sat on boulders.
No one in the village could comprehend his descriptions,
even the learned doctor gave him naught but prescriptions.
Appu headed back home, dejected and downcast,
when he heard the sounds again, played at full blast.
They were coming out the window of a house coloured red,
forgetting his trajectory, he went straight there instead.
As he crossed the threshold, he was filled with strange foreboding,
the sounds got louder, the walls flaunted pictures, brooding.
When the sounds washed over him, Appu was no longer coy,
tears welled in his eyes and his heart leaped with joy.
On the couch sat a man with greying hair, guitar in hand,
"Whaat is this diviyine sound? It makes yeverything else seem bland!"
Hearing Appus's question the man turned around slow,
he had a strange vibe, and his eyes seemed to glow.
The man mouthed his answer and it rocked Appu to his soul,
He said "God bless you son, you've discovered Rock-n-roll."