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Thursday, January 28, 2010

Appukuttan : Fright Night

Appu was never one with a strong heart,
bumps in the night would wake him with a start.
"Hoo ees it? Vaat ees it?" he would shout out,
off the bed he would jump, arms flailing about.
Back at the lodge he'd heard many a story,
some were spooky, the others plain gory.
Tales about killings, suicides and unexplained happenings,
these were what kept Appu occupied, on chilly evenings.
Shivers running down his spine were a regular occurrence,
he was beginning to consider them quite a nuisance.
One day there came the Bakshi family from North India,
they had a pretty little daughter, who liked to sport a bindiya.
Appu liked to be around them a lot,
serving them eatables, beverages and what not.
Now the old man of the family was quite a handful,
he sprayed food on Appu, when he spoke with his mouth full.
"Nevarrr mayind, nevarrr mayind.." although he would say,
in his mind he'd want the old geezer dead in an alleyway.
Mr Bakshi's lack of etiquette he would tend to gladly overlook,
for the man's tales were rivetting, as though right out of a book.
One evening Mr. Bakshi spoke of a lady,
"She'd be dressed in white, looking very needy..."
"she lures young men to their deaths, we call her a chudail..."
Appu opined "Vee koll her a 'yakshi', she haas a terrible wail..."
That night he couldn't sleep out of fear,
at every toss and turn, her cry he would hear.
Suddenly there were footsteps in the dead of night,
Appu almost peed in his lungi, out of sheer fright.
Looking out the window, he saw a woman wearing white,
"Aiyyooo, someone saave meeeee, it ees so late in the naight!!"
Running at top speed with his lungi in tow,
He ran into the manager, who stood with arms akimbo.
"Vaat ees all this raacket, Appu? Stop yellling laike a paansee"
"Saar, theyar eees a 'yakshi' outside, why don't you go see?"
"Yew foool!" the manager screamed "thats no yakshi.."
"it's only the poor sleepwalking Mrs. Bakshi"

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Appukuttan : The Initiation

Appu was heading to a shop, walking down the street,
when he heard sounds that were everything but discreet.
Although his first thought was "Gawd, vaat a racket!",
he started missing them even as he reached the market.
He slipped into a daze, captured by the memory,
and as days rolled by, his mind was in a flurry.
Appu couldn't get those enchanting sounds out of his head,
the thought of not hearing them again filled him with dread.
He went around asking the well-read elders,
even the wise old men, who sat on boulders.
No one in the village could comprehend his descriptions,
even the learned doctor gave him naught but prescriptions.
Appu headed back home, dejected and downcast,
when he heard the sounds again, played at full blast.
They were coming out the window of a house coloured red,
forgetting his trajectory, he went straight there instead.
As he crossed the threshold, he was filled with strange foreboding,
the sounds got louder, the walls flaunted pictures, brooding.
When the sounds washed over him, Appu was no longer coy,
tears welled in his eyes and his heart leaped with joy.
On the couch sat a man with greying hair, guitar in hand,
"Whaat is this diviyine sound? It makes yeverything else seem bland!"
Hearing Appus's question the man turned around slow,
he had a strange vibe, and his eyes seemed to glow.
The man mouthed his answer and it rocked Appu to his soul,
He said "God bless you son, you've discovered Rock-n-roll."

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

For the love of Lungis

The years rolled by, and one year in May,
Appukuttan turned 18 and said "Woah, hey!"
It was as if he'd been granted a fabulous boon,
heck, if he were a wolf, he'd howl at the moon.
The joy of having turned legal made him blind,
he didn't even notice the cow, licking his behind.
Then it struck him, he didn't have to do it anymore,
he'd stop wearing knickers now, there were Lungis galore!
No more squirming, trapped within close confines,
having to walk around as if avoiding land mines.
He pranced down to the market place with his savings,
and bought himself many Lungis, to satisfy his cravings.
Appu decided to give the Lungis a trial run,
and check if wearing them was indeed fun.
So he chose a bright red Lungi and wore it to bed,
with thoughts of envious stares swimming in his head.
"Ai shaal bee the bast drassed boi in town.." he dreamed,
and as the crickets and cicadas looked on, he beamed.
When he opened his eyes, it was early morning,
the mist was still there and the buds were blooming.
Appu rubbed his eyes and sat up on the cot, blinking,
next to the cowshed he slept, where it wasn't stinking.
He saw the milkman staring at him, eyes open wide,
"Vaat ees it?" said Appu, legs hanging over the side.
When he solved his own query, it was too late,
his Lungi was missing, this he couldn't tolerate!
He looked around and saw the cow chewing with glee,
"So cows eet Lungis? Whai didn't yanyone tell me!"

Monday, January 18, 2010

The Curious Case of Appukuttan

Deep down south, people speak of an intriguing lore,
of a strange object that had once washed ashore.
It passed many hands, attracting bewitched stares,
many came to see it, some even in wheelchairs.
None could make head or tail, "Vaat ees it?"
"Vee don no" everyone would gradually admit.
The people took care of it , thinking it to be holy,
but later one night, they realised their folly.
On a stormy night, as the object rested under a tree,
the local drunkard saw it glow, as he made his entry.
All the booze in his tummy evaporated,
"aiyyo, mai gawd!" he said and scooted.
The townspeople knew they had to take a stand,
before this unholy thing got out of hand.
"bern it, brake it, shaik it, bake it!" they said,
fear of the unknown was in their head.
They tossed it back into the river after a long discussion,
and heaved a sigh of relief after completing the mission.
The object floated around for quite some time,
then it reached a house, stopped by fate sublime.
Appukuttan sat on the porch, wolfing down some mutton,
the object caught his eye and he screamed
"there's mai glow-in-the-dark button!"

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Appukuttan in Lavv

"Roll nambar eyitt?" the class teacher screams,
as Appukuttan looks out the window, at larger schemes.
"Khamon kyuck, bois, whoo ees roll nambar eyitt?"
but Appukuttan just stares, spellbound by Lakshmi's gait.
As a classmate prompts his name to the teacher,
he snaps back to reality, oh what a blunder!
 "Skaoundral!! vaat aar yew lookink att? Some pritti gerl, ai am shuwar!"
Appu is rendered speechless, but he knows that his love is pure.
"Misss, vaas lookink aat...Lekshmi" he muttered,
even as the realisation dawned, he was about to be hammered.
"Whoo ees thiss Lekshmi, ay?" asked she, looking out the window,
where she saw nothing but a big black crow.
"Wheyar ees she? Ai see onlee a kro" she bellowed,
"Misss, look undarr the kro" said Appu, sounding harrowed.
The teacher fainted as she finally saw some movement,
there stood Lakshmi, the temple elephant.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Hair today, gone tomorrow.

Long ago in China, there was a frog named Tak Lu. He was running low on self esteem as he considered himself bald and unattractive. So Tak Lu fashioned himself a wig. He looked at his reflection and was thrilled to bits. His friends in the pond started giving him more respect, for they had never seen any hair on a frog, let alone a head full of it. One day, as he was enjoying the twilight hours, a princess approached the pond. Tak Lu was excited, for he was familiar with the tale of the princess who kissed a frog, turning it into a handsome prince...with a head full of luscious hair! He started croaking till kingdom come, to grab her eye. He was sure of being chosen, for he was like no other. The princess saw him, and her eyes widened. Tak Lu was certainly a sight to behold. He was bouncing up and down with excitement and anticipation, on his lotus leaf seat. She approached him, not once breaking eye contact. She was mesmerised. Walking upto him, she bent down to his level. Tak Lu closed his eyes and puckered his lips for her deep, passionate smooch. The princess gaped at Tak Lu and said (in Cantonese, originally) "Saala, yeh maindak toh ekdum Rakesh Roshan dikhta hai."

Being Appukuttan

A series of limericks about Appukuttan, the eccentric, cranky, moody, yet lovable Mallu. Stay tuned for more! And yes, feedback will be much appreciated! :-)

There was a man whose accent was funny,
but everyone thought he was being phoney.
When people did him favours he said "dhangyew",
but they would ask him "are you chewing cashew?"
He thought of himself as being very "simble",
but he always made others start to grumble.
One day when he saw coconuts swaying hallu hallu,
he realised; its alright,
he was seeing life through the eyes of a mallu.

Appukuttan roamed the fields all day,
in his chequered lungi, rolling in mounds of hay.
On days when the Sun was exceptionally kind,
he danced as if he was out of his mind.
There was a tourist from Mumbai who came to visit,
seeing Appukuttan dance he said, "Oh, a tribal dance, is it?"
Enraged, he showed the tourist his pirouette,
but it drew a lot of laughs, for his lungi was wet.
Appukuttan was downcast, for he thought he was Marilyn Monroe,
the tourist said, "Oh come on, I was just kidding, bro."

A steaming cup of tea in the morning,
is what makes Appukuttan stop yawning.
It works well for everyone, he thought,
and it was because of this that he fought.
He had a job that gave him a lot of joy,
there was a lodge where he was a room boy.
When a white sahib ordered his morning fix,
Appukuttan brought him his own preferred mix.
Seeing the sahib seethe, he asked "are you not haaapi?"
the sahib said "@#%^ you, I had ordered kaapi!"